Boundaries – 6 top tips to setting them
Boundaries are an important aspect of our lives, yet they are often overlooked or misunderstood. Simply put, boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves in our personal and professional lives. They can be physical, emotional, or even digital, and they help us to maintain healthy relationships and protect our well-being.
They are not a wall or fence, but more of an invisibility cloak or shield to protect ourselves but still let people in. You can still be yourself and have boundaries, one does not exclude the other in a way. Boundaries do not change your personality or nature, they give you the chance to be yourself without forgoing your own sanity and well-being.
Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially if we are used to putting others’ needs before our own. However, it is important to remember that boundaries are not selfish, but rather a necessary part of self-care. Here is a quote by Doreen Virtue:
“Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary.” – Doreen Virtue
By establishing boundaries, we can communicate our needs and expectations to others, and prevent ourselves from being taken advantage of or experiencing burnout.
Some ways to set them include saying “no” when we need to, speaking up when someone crosses a line, and taking time for ourselves to recharge. It is also important to respect the boundaries of others and not take it personally if someone sets one with us. We get it, we know it is really hard, take it from me, I was the queen of saying “yes” when my whole body was screaming “no” at me.
But not setting them left me tired, exhausted, resentful and very much in victim mode. Which I hated even more, and then the cycle would continue. This went on for years and years, in fact decades! Recognising what patterns of behaviour I was in really helped and why I was doing it helped even more. Once I realised that my behaviour was because how I felt about myself, things started to shift.
Here are our 6 top tips to help you:
Identify your personal boundaries and what you are and are not comfortable with.
Communicate them clearly and assertively to others. You can do this kindly, you don’t have to be a dick about it.
Be consistent in enforcing your boundaries. This one is the hardest, don’t give in for the sake of argument or because it’s easier, it is where resentment will happen if you do.
Practice self-care to maintain your own well-being.
Learn to say “no” without feeling guilty. Man, this one is so hard too. Tapping helps with the guilt enormously.
Surround yourself with supportive people who respect you. This one is invaluable. People who respect and understand your boundaries are your tribe. Those that try and piss on them or get narky about them need to go!!
Remember, boundaries are not meant to isolate us or push people away, but rather to create healthy and respectful relationships. By setting and respecting boundaries, we can improve our overall well-being and live a more fulfilling life.
Love Lynne xxx
Ps we want to give you this video to watch. It is from the beautiful Paul Cope, friend and mentor. Take a look