Stop conforming to what you “should do! Quit “shoulding” all over the place and doing what society tells you to do. I have spent the best part of 50 years doing what I thought I ought to do. Or more accurately doing what I thought others wanted me to do! It got me nowhere other than a whole heap of grief, disappointment, resentment and burnout.
I proclaim myself to be the worlds best people pleaser (a recovering one I might add now). I did guilt so well that friends recognised it and announced I was a catholic nun in a previous life. And that guilt loving person even ended up with a name “Sister Mary”. Sister Mary came out every time I said “no” to something. Or didn’t have the time to fit yet another thing in for someone else. When I said or did something that was just for me, up she popped. Wagging her finger and telling me I was a bad person for not doing something for others. That my fluffy cloud had just disappeared because only good people get fluffy ones! And I really wanted a fluffy one. Which is really weird because I don’t even believe in god!
Anyway what that resulted in was a whole of should in every part of my life. I should do this or that. Should I do that for myself? Ooooo no, best not so and so won’t like it. Should holds us to ransom, we are not doing things for ourselves but for others. And not because we want to, but because we “should!” Don’t get me wrong I am all for helping others, I am a kind person who loves helping people. And I often do that without even thinking about it.
However, if I get that feeling I am doing because people pleaser is in charge. And my gut is saying no but my mouth wants to say yes. Then I have to stop and think, why am I doing this? And I am doing because I feeling crap about myself.
This New Year it came to a head when me and Tracey were talking about what we wanted to do for January. The whole New Year, New You crap and setting intentions just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel the right time to start new things. We still wanted to hibernate, be introverted, and not conform to the world saying that is what we had to do. If we did that, we were only doing it because we thought we should!
So we decided to make a stand and not do it. We did our thing and it felt liberating to do what we wanted and sod what society thought we should. It felt authentic, true, and just more like us. I have never wanted to fit into a mould if I am truly honest. But spent most of my life trying to do that, to fit in with want society wanted. Though I realised there are parts of me that rebelled without me being consciously aware of them, like my weight. It makes me have significance by being different even though my head was desperately trying to fit in. Complicated ain’t we! And it has never stopped me doing anything I have wanted to do. Or is that a story I tell myself…..mmmmmm I think it might be!
Anyway you gorgeous lot I just want you to know that living your life obeying “should” gets you a life of misery and resentment. Trust me, I someone that would know. But I don’t want to do that anymore, no shoulding all over the place. No more conforming because society says I have to. I am going to be that old lady with purple hair, in hippy clothes dancing till midnight and not giving a flying f**k!
Love and hugs Lynne xxx